i can feel your heart beat

no way ill be able to keep this short....body: i just had something , was Siiick for abt 2 weeks (3days ok so far!) and same, it was coming out of both ends. last year i was manic/depressed. around the same time...gen im in a really good mood. i mean ive been "over thinking scorpio" (omg bethenny frankel, love her, and i soooo get that head, aside from the money...and tits, its me!!) so i 1st get sick, take nyquil, and lay down, and i could feel my heart beating. got me thinking...wow, the shit i but myself threw! we / i dont control my heart! im not in charge of alot of what is going on inside me, shit, prob 99.9% and im pulling this out of my ass...but its amazing in away that it alls just doing its own thing. and like it was a kid, or someone ied hurt, i felt so bad for all the shit ied put this person threw. the danger, the name calling, it goes on and on how awful ied been to em (i buy em lost of nice stuff tho, it sometimes helps :) i have shit to do, but felt like getting this out. its not anywhere near where i wanted to go. but i know im going to go in and out of thought abt the year and where the hell my mind has gone over this year and the years past! (bday coming / another year older :) (how do u make a sarcastic smile w/these buttons?))