i can feel your heart beat

no way ill be able to keep this short....body: i just had something , was Siiick for abt 2 weeks (3days ok so far!) and same, it was coming out of both ends. last year i was manic/depressed. around the same time...gen im in a really good mood. i mean ive been "over thinking scorpio" (omg bethenny frankel, love her, and i soooo get that head, aside from the money...and tits, its me!!) so i 1st get sick, take nyquil, and lay down, and i could feel my heart beating. got me thinking...wow, the shit i but myself threw! we / i dont control my heart! im not in charge of alot of what is going on inside me, shit, prob 99.9% and im pulling this out of my ass...but its amazing in away that it alls just doing its own thing. and like it was a kid, or someone ied hurt, i felt so bad for all the shit ied put this person threw. the danger, the name calling, it goes on and on how awful ied been to em (i buy em lost of nice stuff tho, it sometimes helps :) i have shit to do, but felt like getting this out. its not anywhere near where i wanted to go. but i know im going to go in and out of thought abt the year and where the hell my mind has gone over this year and the years past! (bday coming / another year older :) (how do u make a sarcastic smile w/these buttons?))

FAGGOT?

SOOO, i was up late, shoving the video and my art/shirts/clothing in the faces of who ever wants to see it. i don't know why its so nerve racking, and why u need to get a thick spine to share shit w/people.....ow wait yes i do!! people r fuuukd!! i as of now have 22 views, and 1 comment, it was a simple "faggot"! now not sure what bothered me abt it, im mostly clinging 2 that the guy who said it had muscle guys, and ballets, and a bi porn star saved to his favorites??? or the odd feeling i/u allllways get in the pit of your stomach when i/u hear it...directed to you...annnnyhow!! lol, that's abt all i have in my mind @ the moment. (people r....???)

wow!!

my shirt on orbital...cant see much....but@ the end u see some of the work under his arm!! kinda cool!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF_R5UJGt-g&playnext_from=TL&videos=xXiO3rAJq5U

the new 2

here u are!!

4god sake. it took me 4ever to figure out how to just fkn get on this page!! i just added in the wrong spot! and thank god i found "the accidental mom" cause ive been dieing to write/vent, and 4got i had an outlet right in front of me!!

oi what a day ive had today...

the headacke- the bus - the people and the talking- the rushing- the dodging- the moving- the quilting bee and my mocking-the over and over pulling my ass- the flirting and cigarettes- the washing and filing and the removing of samples- the ride home and missing my stop- and stressing on betting the clock to make it there- the gettin the shit togeather to got to another - the getting there and ''omg r you ok''- the why do you think i care- the heat- the music- the makeup- the chair- the car- the speeding- the bartender- the beer.........the ride home- the keys- the steps- the door- the shoes off- the lights- the